the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
