i permit you to call me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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