I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
