im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He kissed a someone with a penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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