meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
