How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
did i just pee glitter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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