What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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