Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
