Only a mothe r could love this liver
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
