GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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