i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
