either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
