why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
