Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
