Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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