Kiss
Puke
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
