I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
