the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
