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she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize