This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
