ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
