If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
