I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
