I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
