How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
