i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
