How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
