I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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