she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
