i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
