You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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