I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
