can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
