I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
