i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
