May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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