He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
