I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
