you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
