i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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