I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
