So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
