this beer tastes like vomit already
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
