I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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