I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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