he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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