I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
