I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Even my vagina gasped.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
