im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
