I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
