She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
